Issue #15: You Don’t Owe Anyone Empathy

Welcome back!

The First Rule of H.M.C - Don’t Talk About the H.M.C

What’s on Today’s Agenda:

🐖 Damn, That Looks Good

🧥 Big Wool Coat

🎧 New Song

🗣️ Talk To Your Boys

🤣  Dad Joke

👀 Must-Watch Documentary

😓 You Don’t Owe People Empathy

📆 Events

💪 He-Man Life Lessons

Damn, That Looks Good 🐖

@bpkioqariez

#mediterranean #healthyfood #mediterraneandiet #dealsforyoudays #foodguide #healthyfoods #tiktokshop #foodlist you can cook healthy dinne... See more

Your Wardrobe: Big Wool Coat

This fall, outerwear’s going XXL. Think wool coats that almost trip you on the stairs. If your jacket can’t swallow a hoodie whole, it’s too damn small.

Rule of thumb: if you feel like you’re wrestling your arms into it, take it back. The right coat lets you layer up without looking like you’re smuggling turkeys.

Dress it up with chinos and nice shoes when you’re out with the wife, or toss it over joggers and sneakers when you’re sneaking out for milk…and end up at Beer Night.

Listen To This Song! 🎧

Talk To Your Boys 🗣️

@lesleypsyd

Talk to your kids early and often about what they see online #altrightpipeline

Try Out This Dad Joke At Work 🤣

Kid: “Dad, did you hear AI is replacing workers?”
Dad: “Yeah… but it still won’t replace me.”
Kid: “Why not?”
Dad: “Because no AI is lining up to mow this lawn.”

👀 Must-Watch Documentary

Multi-platinum singer-songwriter James Arthur opens up about his fight with mental health and how he’s learning to cope. He connects with Redcar CF, the crew behind No Substitute For Mental Health, an initiative pushing men to speak out about struggles and suicide.

😓 You Don’t Owe Anyone Empathy: Guarding Yourself Against Guilt and Noise

The world loves to tell men how they should feel. Be tough. Be sensitive. Be caring. Be available. Be everything, all the time, for everyone. And when you don’t hit the mark? Cue the guilt trip.

But here’s the truth: you don’t owe anyone empathy.

Read that again.

Yes, empathy is good. It’s what lets us connect with our kids, our friends, our partners. It’s what stops us from turning into cold robots. But like anything, empathy has limits. When it’s forced, drained, or demanded, it stops being a connection and starts being control. That’s when you need to protect yourself.

This essay is about drawing lines in the sand. About refusing to let guilt dictate your life. And about guarding your headspace from the noise that keeps you from showing up where it matters most.

The Problem With Owing

Society teaches us that empathy is currency. People act as if they’re sad, stressed, or spiraling; you owe them your whole emotional paycheck. They expect you to sit in their storm, whether or not you have shelter of your own.

But empathy isn’t a bill. You don’t run a tab. Nobody gets to collect on your mental health like it’s a debt.

When you treat empathy as something you owe, you stop protecting yourself. You say yes when you need to say no. You carry weight that isn’t yours. You start drowning in someone else’s ocean while your own boat takes on water.

That’s not noble. That’s reckless.

Boundaries Aren’t Cruel

Here’s the thing most people twist: boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re survival.

If your buddy calls at 2 a.m. every week to dump his relationship drama on you, it’s not cruel to stop answering. If a family member guilts you into playing therapist every holiday, it’s not heartless to say no. If your coworker is draining your energy with every “woe is me” story, it’s not cold to step back.

Boundaries don’t mean you stop caring. They tell you to stop bleeding out for people who won’t even offer a bandage.

A man without boundaries isn’t strong. He’s a sponge. And sponges don’t last long—they get used up and tossed.

Guilt Is the Oldest Trick in the Book

The quickest way people keep you in line? Guilt.

“You don’t care about me.”
“If you loved me, you’d listen.”
“Wow, must be nice not having problems like mine.”

Sound familiar?

Guilt is emotional blackmail. It’s someone else holding your empathy hostage until you give them what they want. And it works—because most men don’t want to feel like the bad guy.

But here’s the hard truth: feeling guilty doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It means someone else is trying to steer your life with their feelings.

The fix? Recognize the play. When guilt shows up, pause. Ask yourself: Am I really wrong here? Or am I being manipulated into carrying something that isn’t mine?

Guard Your Energy Like It’s Gold

You wouldn’t hand your debit card to every stranger on the street. Don’t hand out your emotional energy the same way.

Your empathy is fuel. Your patience, your listening, your presence—they’re resources. They’re what keep you steady for your kids, your partner, your circle. If you burn them all on people who drain you, you’ll have nothing left where it matters most.

This is why you need to guard your energy like it’s gold.

• Limit time with people who leave you exhausted.
• Learn to say “I can’t talk about this right now” without guilt.
• Remember that someone else’s emergency isn’t automatically your problem.
• Choose where your empathy goes, instead of letting it get yanked out of you.

This isn’t cruelty. This is conservation.

Noise Will Eat You Alive

Here’s the other piece: the noise.

The world is loud. Social feeds, news cycles, opinions flying at you from every angle. Everyone is screaming for attention, sympathy, outrage, and likes.

If you don’t guard your head, the noise becomes your inner voice. You start reacting to every post, every take, every headline. Suddenly, you’re not living your life—you’re just a reactor to everyone else’s chaos.

The only way to cut through the noise is to protect silence. Step back. Log off. Put your phone down. Choose honest conversations over digital ones.

Noise feeds guilt. Quiet kills it.

Where Empathy Belongs

Now, let’s make this clear. I’m not saying throw empathy out the window. If you become a stone, you lose what makes you human.

But empathy is a choice, not an obligation.

It belongs where there’s reciprocity. With the people who pour back into you. With your kids, who need your presence more than perfect answers. With your crew, who show up when you’re the one bleeding. With your partner, who’s in the trenches with you.

That’s where empathy grows instead of drains.

The Hard Conversation With Yourself

Ask yourself this: Who gets my empathy right now? Who’s draining it? Who deserves it?

You might not like the answers. It may mean cutting off a toxic friendship you’ve had for years. It may mean stepping back from family patterns that guilt-tripped you since childhood. It may mean standing up for yourself in ways that shock people who are accustomed to the old you.

But if you don’t have this conversation, you’ll stay stuck in cycles that break you down. And you’ll keep thinking you’re “helping” when all you’re doing is bleeding.

What Protecting Yourself Looks Like in Real Life

Let’s put some skin on this.

• Your buddy is venting for the fifth time this week. Instead of absorbing it, you say: “I care about you, but I can’t take this on right now.”
• Your mom drops another guilt bomb about not calling enough. Instead of apologizing, you say: “I love you, but guilt isn’t going to get me on the phone more. Let’s set a time that works for both of us.”
• Your coworker unloads at lunch every day. Instead of nodding along, you say: “I’m trying to keep this break stress-free. Let’s talk about something else.”

That’s not cruelty. That’s clarity.

Guarding Yourself Makes You Stronger For Who Matters

Here’s the final piece: when you guard yourself from guilt and noise, you don’t become colder. You become clearer. Stronger. More present.

Your kids get a dad who listens because he isn’t drained. Your crew gets a brother who shows up with energy, not exhaustion. Your partner gets a man who gives out of choice, not obligation.

Protecting yourself doesn’t mean you stop giving empathy. It means you stop wasting it.

Final Word

You don’t owe anyone empathy. You don’t owe anyone guilt. And you don’t owe anyone your energy.

What you do owe—to yourself, to your kids, to your circle—is protection. Guard your time. Guard your mind. Guard your empathy.

The world will always try to make you feel like you’re not doing enough. But the noise fades when you remember this: your empathy is a gift, not a debt.

And gifts, unlike debts, are yours to give—or not give—on your terms.

REMINDER: Events 📆 🍻 Real Talk. Cold Beer. No B.S. | October 2nd Dad’s Beer Night

Sometimes you need a cold one, a good story, and a crew that gets it.

Join the He-Man Club for our monthly Dad’s Beer Night—a laid-back gathering for dads who are doing their best, laughing through the chaos, and ready for real convo that doesn’t feel like homework.

📅 Thursday, October 8th, 2025
🕗 8:00 PM – 11:00 PM
📍 Farmington Brewing Company
33336 Grand River Ave, Farmington, MI
☎️ (248) 957-9543

Expect craft beer, solid dudes, and maybe a few dad jokes that go too far—no name tags. No lectures. Just life.

👊 Show up. Unwind. Build your circle.

[RSVP Now] (or whatever link you'd use)

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@saturdaymorningmorals

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