Issue #7: The Power of Repetition: A Philosophical Lens for Dads Raising Kids

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The Power of Repetition: A Philosophical Lens for Dads Raising Kids

Parenting is often described as repetitive: changing diapers, helping with homework, preparing meals, and navigating bedtime routines. While these daily tasks can sometimes feel monotonous, they also hold the potential for immense meaning. Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard explored the concept of repetition in his book Repetition, where he concluded that aesthetic repetition—seeking to recreate thrills or pleasures—is ultimately unattainable. As a dad raising kids under 18, you might find surprising relevance in Kierkegaard’s philosophy, particularly in how it contrasts fleeting pleasure with deeper fulfillment.

Kierkegaard’s Three Stages of Life

Kierkegaard’s existential philosophy outlines three stages of life: the philistine, the aesthetic, and the ethical. The philistine represents a life of unreflective conformity, seeking comfort and security in societal norms. When this approach fails to stave off existential despair, one may transition to the aesthetic stage, marked by a pursuit of pleasure and beauty. Finally, the ethical stage emerges as a path to meaning, grounded in responsibility and commitment.

For dads, these stages can reflect different approaches to parenting. Are we simply going through the motions, chasing fleeting joys, or committing fully to the deeper, repetitive rhythms that sustain family life?

The Aesthetic Trap

Kierkegaard’s character Constantin Constantius embodies the aesthete, someone who avoids repetition because it dulls the thrill of new experiences. In Repetition, Constantin revisits a trip to Berlin, hoping to replicate the joy of his first visit. However, his experiment fails—the experience feels hollow and lifeless. This failure underscores Kierkegaard’s conclusion that aesthetic repetition, reliant on external novelty, is shallow and unsustainable.

As a dad, it’s easy to fall into an “aesthetic” mindset. Social media often amplifies this tendency, with platforms like Instagram and TikTok showcasing curated highlights of extravagant vacations, milestone celebrations, and picture-perfect moments. The pressure to create “Instagram-worthy” family memories can lead to a constant chase for novelty—a bigger birthday party, a more elaborate vacation—leaving little room for appreciating the everyday repetitions that form the backbone of family life.

The Ethical Shift

In contrast, Kierkegaard’s ethical stage offers a refreshing perspective. The ethicist embraces repetition not as a tedious obligation but as a meaningful practice. This stage values the richness of everyday life, including its challenges and routines. For dads, this means finding joy in the daily acts of parenting: reading bedtime stories, coaching a little league game, or cooking breakfast on a busy school morning.

Unlike the aesthete, who seeks fleeting highs, the ethicist recognizes that true fulfillment comes from cultivating enduring relationships and commitments. These repetitive actions may not always feel exciting, but they weave the fabric of a meaningful life—both for you and your children.

Repetition as Nourishment

What if we reframed repetition as nourishment rather than monotony? Repetition provides stability, predictability, and a sense of safety—all crucial elements for raising kids. Think of family traditions: movie nights, Sunday dinners, or an annual camping trip. While these activities may seem repetitive, they create a sense of belonging and continuity that your kids will carry with them long after they leave home.

The ethicist’s approach also emphasizes intentionality. It’s not just about repeating actions but embracing them with purpose. Changing a diaper isn’t just a chore; it’s an act of care and connection. Helping with homework isn’t merely about solving math problems; it’s about teaching perseverance and building trust.

The Modern Aesthetic Dilemma

Kierkegaard’s critique of the aesthetic stage feels especially relevant today. Social media and consumer culture often prioritize spectacle over substance, encouraging a relentless pursuit of novelty. For dads, this can manifest as a pressure to outdo yourself with each family outing or holiday celebration. Yet this chase often leads to burnout and dissatisfaction, as the fleeting thrill of aesthetic repetition cannot sustain meaningful connections.

Instead, consider how the ethical stage offers an antidote to this modern dilemma. Movements like slow living, minimalism, and intentional parenting echo Kierkegaard’s insights, emphasizing the value of presence and simplicity. These philosophies encourage us to step away from the pursuit of perfection and focus on what truly matters: the bonds we build with our children through everyday interactions.

Lessons from the Everyday

Constantin Constantius’ failure to recreate his Berlin trip serves as a reminder that meaning doesn’t come from chasing the extraordinary. It comes from embracing the ordinary with love and commitment. As dads, our greatest impact often lies not in the grand gestures but in the quiet, repetitive moments: cheering from the sidelines at soccer games, helping tie shoelaces, or simply being present during family dinners.

Kierkegaard’s philosophy invites us to view these moments not as mundane but as opportunities for growth and connection. By choosing to engage fully in the repetitive rhythms of parenting, we can transcend the aesthetic stage and find deeper fulfillment in the ethical stage.

Embracing Repetition as a Dad

Here are a few practical ways to embrace repetition in your parenting journey:

1. Create Meaningful Traditions: Establish family rituals that your kids can look forward to, whether it’s a weekly pizza night or an annual road trip. These traditions provide stability and foster a sense of belonging.

2. Be Present in the Moment: Instead of rushing through routines, savor the time you spend with your kids. Even simple tasks, like reading a bedtime story, can become cherished memories.

3. Focus on the Big Picture: Remember that parenting is a long-term investment. The repetitive actions you take today—teaching kindness, showing patience—lay the foundation for your children’s character and values.

4. Find Joy in the Ordinary: Shift your perspective to see the beauty in everyday moments. A walk to the park or a conversation over breakfast can be just as meaningful as a big family vacation.

5. Limit Comparisons: Resist the urge to compare your family life to others on social media. Focus on what works for your family and prioritize genuine connection over curated perfection.

A Timeless Reminder

Kierkegaard’s reflections on repetition remind us that life’s greatest joys often lie in its simplest moments. As dads, embracing the repetitive rhythms of parenting can lead to a richer, more fulfilling experience—not just for ourselves but for our kids as well. By choosing the ethical stage over the aesthetic, we can model a life of purpose, commitment, and love—a legacy that our children will carry with them into their own futures.

Try Out This Dad Joke At Work

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