Series Introduction:

Over the following four Mondays, I'm sharing something I've been wrestling with for months, maybe years. It started with a comment my sister made about our father and his obsession with yard work, and it's led me down a path of uncomfortable self-examination about masculinity, control, intimacy, and the propaganda that shaped us all. This isn't easy stuff to write, and it might not be easy to read. But with everything flooding our feeds right now (Epstein, Trump, the systemic rot we're finally seeing), I think a lot of men are asking the same questions I am: What the hell is going on with us? How did we get here? And more importantly, how do we fix it? This four-part series is my attempt to look inward, to be vulnerable about my own failures and conditioning, and to start a conversation about the work men need to do. Not for approval, not for absolution, but because our wives, our daughters, our sons, and our own humanity depend on it. If you're ready to sit with some uncomfortable truths, I hope you'll join me on this journey.

Jeff “fuzzy'“ Wenzel - He-Man Club

Part 1: Raking Leaves: My Father's Escape and What It Taught Me About Masculinity

The other day, my sister was at my house hanging out with my kids, and she said something that hit me harder than I expected. She mentioned how our father never left a leaf on the ground. And if you knew where we grew up, you'd laugh at that. We lived in the middle of the woods. Hundreds of trees. Leaves and acorns everywhere. I've raked and blown more leaves in my youth than most people will in their entire lives.

But what she meant wasn't really about leaves. She suggested our dad was so miserable in his marriage, in his life, in everything, that yard work became his sanctuary. His escape. He couldn't stand going inside because going inside meant stepping back into a life that felt like a torture chamber. So he stayed out there. Raking. Blowing. Picking up every single leaf like his life depended on it.

And she's right. That's exactly how I would describe him, too.

The Awakening

Lately, with all the content flooding my feeds (Epstein, Trump, the pedophile rings, the over-sexualization, the rot), I've been forced to look inward. Forced to ask myself: What the hell is going on with men? What's going on with intimacy, sexuality, desire, and control? What's going on with me?

I'm wondering how many other men are sitting with these same questions right now, trying to process what we're watching unfold.

And the uncomfortable truth I keep bumping into is this: A lot of what I've believed about sex, strength, intimacy, a lot of it was actually about control.

Control over another human being. Doing what I want. Doing what I say.

Why? Because I saw it in porn. Because I saw it modeled as "powerful." Because I saw it presented as "manly." Because I was told that this is what dominance looks like, and dominance is what men do.

My Dad: The "Porno King of Dundee"

My dad grew up in that system. He was a porno king. Literally, I joked about calling him the porno king of Dundee, but it's not funny in hindsight. He passed away five years ago. He lived a life without vulnerability, without emotional intimacy, without any safe way to express feelings. So he escaped into porn, into fantasy, into yard work, into anything that let him avoid the real world.

I think about the life my dad led, and I doubt highly that he was capable of being vulnerable or having emotional intimacy. That led to what I'd describe as a miserable life, staying outside as long as possible, never wanting to come home, never wanting to connect with his wife. (Who, mind you, has her own things. That's a whole other story.) He lived a life where he was unable to express himself, unable to speak, unable to find vulnerability and emotional intimacy with another human being.

What I'm Starting to See

And now I look at these Epstein/Trump revelations and I see the exact root cause: Control. Fear. Inadequacy. Shame.

Men are terrified of their own feelings. Men are terrified of being perceived as weak, gay, or emotional. Men are trying to dominate women and girls because they can't dominate their own inner world—men shaped by porn and power fantasies instead of actual connection.

They wanted to control women. They want to control girls. They tried to control every outcome. They wanted to fantasize about rape scenes where women weren't in control of anything.

None of it is intimacy. None of it is a healthy touch. None of it is love. None of it is anything good.

As I started looking inward at my own patterns, my own conditioning, my own relationship, I realized how much of what I believed about intimacy was actually about control. And I wasn't alone in this.

Next in this series: Part 2 - "The Death of Male Strength: Why Men Cling to Control"