Part 4: Leaving Some Leaves Behind: The Work Men Need to Do

In Parts 1-3, I've explored my father's miserable escape, why men cling to control, and how propaganda shaped our toxic patterns. Now I want to talk about the path forward, the healing that needs to happen, and what it looks like to actually do the work.

Part 1: Raking Leaves: My Father's Escape and What It Taught Me About Masculinity

Part 2: The Death of Male Strength: Why Men Cling to Control

Part 3: Propaganda Becomes Blueprint: How We Learned to Control Instead of Connect

What I Want for Men Who Read This

I hope the men out there who read this, connect with it, listen to it, and look inward. Do the uncomfortable work. Let go of the fear.

If you're gay, you're gay. Nobody cares anymore. If your parents care, that's their work, not yours. They were raised by religion as control tech. Raised by propaganda dressed up as morality. Raised by fear handed down through generations of unhealed trauma.

All of that was just a tool. You have to stop being a pawn on someone else's chessboard and start playing your own game.

My Journey for 2026 and Beyond

My journey for 2026 and beyond is to continue to live like a human, not what social media is telling me, not even what I might be telling you right now. If you don't think these things, move on. But if you do, try to create a life of actual vulnerability. Have genuine empathy for others. Have true love for being human. Love your neighbors. Do the things we were all taught in church when we were kids: love one another, care for the least among us, treat others how you want to be treated. Recognize if the churches are doing the complete opposite. Lots of churches now are grabbing power and telling us to “fear” the others. They became exactly what they preached against.

We're all the same. We're all just trying to get by.

Repairing the Damage

And part of that means asking: How do we repair the damage done to women? How do I repair the damage I may have caused in my marriage over the last 18 years, with male toxicity running through me, unknown to me? How do we create safe spaces for women to exist without fear? Are they obliged to accept that? Of course not. But it's work to be done. How do we model healthier behavior for our sons and daughters?

Same for my daughter, who's 12. Same for her friends. Same for every woman in my orbit.

How do you model this version of life to the women around you, your friends' wives, not in a creepy way, just showing a safe world for them to exist in as they unwind their own propaganda? It really is a nation that desperately needs healing. Not just politically, spiritually, emotionally, culturally. The fear has to be gone.

What I Hope to Model

A safe world. Respectful communication. Listening. Not degrading or disregarding feelings. Not controlling conversations or outcomes.

Speaking to your significant other with respect. Listening to them. Not degrading them. Not disregarding their thoughts and feelings. Not trying to control them in the middle of a conversation. All of those things are what I hope I am never modeling for the people in my life.

Stripping Away the Propaganda

Our world right now is all based on capitalism. How much can we get? How much can I control? How much can I avoid being in fear? We need to strip that away. That needs to be gone.

We need to be looking at human existence. What does a human existence look like? What does a partnership look like with another human being? I don't care if it's man-to-man, woman-to-woman, or man-to-woman; that's still a partnership. How do you create a life that's not filled with propaganda? How can you look at another human being and say, "That human being brings joy to me, brings love to me, makes me feel whole"? How do you focus a life on that instead of a life based on control, where you don't express fears, don't communicate, bottle it all up, and then take it out on somebody?

Choosing to Go Inside

As I explore my mental health and physical health, I just want to be a human enjoying this time. I don't want to be like my dad. I don't want to be miserable.

As I stood outside raking the last leaves of 2025, I left some on purpose. I wanted to go inside. I wanted to be present with my family rather than obsessively chasing perfection like my dad did trying to avoid his own life.

I want to be with my family. I want to be around the people I love, the women I want to support and be in partnership with. And partnership doesn't always have to be your wife, it's my sister too. I want to be a good man in her life, for her partner, for my daughter and her friends, modeling healthy behavior for my son and his friends.

The Work Begins With Us

I hope more and more men take this challenge.

Men: Look inward. Do the work yourself first. Don't ask your partner to fix what you haven't even started to examine. Don't say, "I need my wife to fix this." You start the process. You start to fix yourself and see what happens.

Start with yourself.

The leaves can wait. Your family, your healing, your humanity, that's what matters. That's what I'm choosing. I hope you will, too.